Adoption Frustrations, Yet Again

We never did hear about the little boy that we were contacted about last May.

In December, we were contacted by someone who recommended us for adopting three little boys, age 5 and under.  The boys were local, and the parents had already been TPRed.  We expressed interest, and turned in our paperwork on December 8th.  (The feast of the Immaculate Conception, our parish feast, and the day Justin proposed 6 years before!). 

Ironically, the agency handling this new case was the same agency that handled the case with the little boy last May.  We mentioned that they had considered us for a little boy a few months back, so they should already have our homestudy on file.  We said we never heard back, but it had been months, so we assumed we hadn't been chose.  The lady explained that they had some process changes over the summer and we must have slipped through the cracks.  The lady apologized profusely, "I don't know how you got missed.  I personally called all the families on the list.  The boy has been placed with a family and is doing well -- I got to see him just this week."  So, although it was months later, and yet again we were left wondering, at least this little boy has a home now.  We are truly glad he has a home -- that's the point of this whole process.
So here we are with the same agency again.  We had heard a rumor that they were hoping to place the boys by Christmas (nothing official, just rumor).  So we had scenarios running through our head of "oh my!  We would have three weeks to finish tiling the house (a 1000 sq ft project that was already underway), getting a bedroom ready, buying a new car that would seat everybody, and buying more Christmas presents!  Can we still take a group of teenagers to the March for Life in January?  What if we have three extra kids to take?  How would our families react to Christmas with new kiddos?"  I'm sure it would have all worked out, but it was a daunting thought.  Nonetheless, we were ready for the challenge.

Time goes by, no phone call.  Not surprised, really.

Mid-January, we get a phone call!  Hurray!  But there was confusion regarding the paperwork -- they had two different dates of birth for Justin.  I asked if they had any timeline for when we might hear something.  No substantial answer.  "Soon, hopefully, but the boys need time to adjust."  She did say that there were four families being considered (one-in four!  not too bad!), and that her agnecy had some paperwork to do, and then it goes to another committee to decide. 

More time goes by, and nothing.

The last Friday in February, Justin and I went to Mass together at lunch.  When I get home, there is an answering machine message!  "Hello, this is ------- from Family Support Services.  Please give me a call at -------."  Completely non-chalant, no expression whatsoever in this lady's voice.  My heart is beating a million miles per hour!

I quick call Justin to let him know, and then I call her back (just an hour after she called me).  Voicemail.  I leave a message.  I wait anxiously by the phone.  Justin and I e-mail back and forth (not wanting to tie up the phone line, in case she called.)  I called again.  Voicemail again!  Surely she wouldn't call on a Friday afternoon and make us wait all weekend, right!?  I mean, they know how emotional this whole process is -- surely they wouldn't drag it out over the weekend?  But no phone call.  By 6:30pm, we realize she isn't calling us back.  Torture!

We try to go about our weekend, pray and wait, pray and wait.  We kept busy (aka distracted).  We listened to the voicemail again (Justin wanted to try to infer something from her tone of voice -- but there was ZERO emotion or indication in the answering machine message).  Were they calling to tell us they had chosen us?  they had chosen someone else?  they hadn't decided yet?

Monday morning, I'm sure I'll get a phone call anytime, right?  She was just too busy/had a meeting/whatever on Friday and couldn't get to us, but she'll return our phone call first thing.  But alas.  Nothing.  By lunchtime, I give up on waiting and call again.  Voicemail!  I leave another message.

A total of five phone calls and two messages later, and we never did hear back.  That was the last week of February. 

Early March, I saw an acquaintance who is the wife in one of the other families being considered for this sibling group.  She said they sort-of heard that the kids had been placed elsewhere.  She seemed frustrated with the lack of communication too.

So we presume that chapter in our adoption journey is closed, although there isn't really much closure to this chapter either.  It has been a highly frustrating process so far, and has left a serious distaste in our mouth.  How frustrating that there are so many children waiting, and here we are -- a stable family wanting to adopt, and we are just left hanging for months on end.