Loss and Sadness

Today is hard. I feel sick to my stomach and on the verge of tears (and sometimes over that verge). There have been two other sibling groups that we have grown attached to during this process -- kids that we prayed for and thought about lots and lots. You imagine what life might be like with them, how you might arrange the bedrooms to accommodate them, taking them on family trips and a bustling dinner table. We lost them too, but those sibling groups were adopted. I was sad for myself when they were adopted, but truly overjoyed for the children and their new families.

This time is different. We've been praying for these kids and thinking about them for weeks. There was a new level of excitement since this was the first time we had submitted our home study. We've lost these kids too, but they are still waiting. The sadness isn't balanced by joy for their adoption. Today is just hard.