Reactions and Misconceptions

As we have pursued adoption, we have encountered a wide variety of reactions from family and friends. Most people have been incredibly supportive, but there have been a number of concerned comments as well. Here are just a few:

Why not just have more biological children?
-- It seems that as soon as we mention that we are adopting, the first reaction many people have is to ask if we are unable to have our own children. While we would love to have more biological children, this really misses the heart of the issue for us. If God blesses us with more, great! We are not pursuing adoption because we can't have our own, but because these children need a family!

But "they" will mess up your kids. Why go through all that heartache?
-- These comments are directly primarily at adopting older kids. Adopting any child will be a transition for a family, and adopting an older child with a traumatic past will certainly bring a new set of challenges. But these challenges are not so great that we can't work through them. We don't anticipate that everything will be happily-ever-after with no bumps in the road, but we do believe it is a road worth traveling. And it is not a road we have to travel alone. There are lots of resources to help families adjust, and we have a tremendous network of support.

Why not adopt from China or something instead of "dysfunctional" kids in foster care?
-- This comment is naive because it assumes that children adopted internationally are somehow immune to the trauma of their past. Orphanages overseas are not exactly a picture-perfect childhood! Certainly children are not in foster care because everything was hunky-dory with their birth parents! These children all have loss and trauma to work through, and many have developmental or behavioral delays, but it is simply ignorant to think that internationally adopted children do not struggles with these same challenges.


In general, those making these comments really have our best interests at heart. They don't want to see us struggle with permanent decisions we haven't considered thoroughly. I try not to be annoyed by their comments, but rather to see their love and concern for us. Sometimes, too, it gives me the opportunity to clarify their misunderstanding. (And sometimes they just don't want to hear it, but that's ok too.)