Adoption Frustrations, Yet Again

We never did hear about the little boy that we were contacted about last May.

In December, we were contacted by someone who recommended us for adopting three little boys, age 5 and under.  The boys were local, and the parents had already been TPRed.  We expressed interest, and turned in our paperwork on December 8th.  (The feast of the Immaculate Conception, our parish feast, and the day Justin proposed 6 years before!). 

Ironically, the agency handling this new case was the same agency that handled the case with the little boy last May.  We mentioned that they had considered us for a little boy a few months back, so they should already have our homestudy on file.  We said we never heard back, but it had been months, so we assumed we hadn't been chose.  The lady explained that they had some process changes over the summer and we must have slipped through the cracks.  The lady apologized profusely, "I don't know how you got missed.  I personally called all the families on the list.  The boy has been placed with a family and is doing well -- I got to see him just this week."  So, although it was months later, and yet again we were left wondering, at least this little boy has a home now.  We are truly glad he has a home -- that's the point of this whole process.
So here we are with the same agency again.  We had heard a rumor that they were hoping to place the boys by Christmas (nothing official, just rumor).  So we had scenarios running through our head of "oh my!  We would have three weeks to finish tiling the house (a 1000 sq ft project that was already underway), getting a bedroom ready, buying a new car that would seat everybody, and buying more Christmas presents!  Can we still take a group of teenagers to the March for Life in January?  What if we have three extra kids to take?  How would our families react to Christmas with new kiddos?"  I'm sure it would have all worked out, but it was a daunting thought.  Nonetheless, we were ready for the challenge.

Time goes by, no phone call.  Not surprised, really.

Mid-January, we get a phone call!  Hurray!  But there was confusion regarding the paperwork -- they had two different dates of birth for Justin.  I asked if they had any timeline for when we might hear something.  No substantial answer.  "Soon, hopefully, but the boys need time to adjust."  She did say that there were four families being considered (one-in four!  not too bad!), and that her agnecy had some paperwork to do, and then it goes to another committee to decide. 

More time goes by, and nothing.

The last Friday in February, Justin and I went to Mass together at lunch.  When I get home, there is an answering machine message!  "Hello, this is ------- from Family Support Services.  Please give me a call at -------."  Completely non-chalant, no expression whatsoever in this lady's voice.  My heart is beating a million miles per hour!

I quick call Justin to let him know, and then I call her back (just an hour after she called me).  Voicemail.  I leave a message.  I wait anxiously by the phone.  Justin and I e-mail back and forth (not wanting to tie up the phone line, in case she called.)  I called again.  Voicemail again!  Surely she wouldn't call on a Friday afternoon and make us wait all weekend, right!?  I mean, they know how emotional this whole process is -- surely they wouldn't drag it out over the weekend?  But no phone call.  By 6:30pm, we realize she isn't calling us back.  Torture!

We try to go about our weekend, pray and wait, pray and wait.  We kept busy (aka distracted).  We listened to the voicemail again (Justin wanted to try to infer something from her tone of voice -- but there was ZERO emotion or indication in the answering machine message).  Were they calling to tell us they had chosen us?  they had chosen someone else?  they hadn't decided yet?

Monday morning, I'm sure I'll get a phone call anytime, right?  She was just too busy/had a meeting/whatever on Friday and couldn't get to us, but she'll return our phone call first thing.  But alas.  Nothing.  By lunchtime, I give up on waiting and call again.  Voicemail!  I leave another message.

A total of five phone calls and two messages later, and we never did hear back.  That was the last week of February. 

Early March, I saw an acquaintance who is the wife in one of the other families being considered for this sibling group.  She said they sort-of heard that the kids had been placed elsewhere.  She seemed frustrated with the lack of communication too.

So we presume that chapter in our adoption journey is closed, although there isn't really much closure to this chapter either.  It has been a highly frustrating process so far, and has left a serious distaste in our mouth.  How frustrating that there are so many children waiting, and here we are -- a stable family wanting to adopt, and we are just left hanging for months on end.

Preschool Update

We sort of wandered off the alphabet path... got lost along the way somewhere.  I think we will just pick it up again at the start of the new school year, but time will tell.  I got frustrated with Benedict's incessant coloring on walls and carpet, so I put the crayons out of child-reach.

Dominic and I finished Teach Your Child to Read, and Dominic is devouring books.  Benedict watched a little, but wasn't so interested.  Now that Dominic is reading, though, I think he is a little jealous and is expressing more interest.  TYCTR will be on the list for Benedict next year.

We bought a few workbooks at Sam's Club that the boys love to work on.  Lots of letter coloring pages, dot-to-dot, and a few harder things for Dominic, which he likes.  One of them came with a CD of learning games for the computer, and they would do that all day long if I'd let them!

Homeschool Preschool

We have officially started preschool with the boys! They are super excited to do school work like their uncle Eric, and it's adorable to watch them get excited about everything we're doing!

What are we using for preschool? A whole bunch of stuff. It seems overwhelming at first glance, but it's really not that complicated.

• I'm working through Teach Your Child To Read in 100 Easy Lessons with Dominic. We'll start with Benedict after Dominic finishes.
• Dominic (and sometimes Benedict) watches his Petty School lessons from Classical Liberal Arts Academy. He's been doing this for a while now and really enjoys it.
• Together we're venturing down the Alphabet Path. The boys have LOVED this!

What is the alphabet path? Each week, we explore a new letter of the alphabet! We have some books that we use every week, and then we also pick out some story books that features something with that week's letter. I found lots of alphabet coloring pages online, so I printed a few for each letter. We also cook something each week that features our letter of the week (eg- A is for Apple Pie!)

Books we use every week
Following Elizabeth Foss' Alphabet Path guides, we use the story on the Serendipity page, which incorporates A Flower Fairy Alphabet and An Alphabet of Catholic Saints. We also use
A is for Altar, B is for Bible and Museum ABC (an art book) recommended from her site.

I found some ABC books around the house, so we use those too. We're only reading one page from these books each week, so it only takes a few minutes.

• Dr. Seuss's ABC
• Richard Scarry's Find your ABC's (the A page has letter a's in red, B has b's, etc.)
• Eating the Alphabet by Lois Ehlert (each letter has fruits and vegetables beginning with that letter, and we try to eat something from that list that week)
• The Butterfly Alphabet Book by Brian Cassie (has beautiful pictures of butterflies)
• Book of Saints for Catholic Children by Fr. Daniel Lord (these are in alphabetical order, so we'll read some for each week's letter)
• I had the My First Steps to Reading books from my own childhood, and we read My "a" Book, or My "b" Book, etc. corresponding to the week. In these adorable books, Little A (or B or C...) fills his box with all sorts of things beginning with his letter. The boys like knowing that these were mama's books!
  

No News

Several people have asked if there are any updates. Short answer: no. We'll see...

Contact!

So! Remember the local kiddo that we had been contacted about a couple months ago? I hadn't heard anything back, so I just assumed that they had chosen a different family or something. I guess I was wrong, because I got a phone call from that agency today! The adoption worker asked a few questions, and said there will be a matching meeting next week! So I have no idea how many families are being considered or when we should anticipate hearing back, -- I was too surprised to think clearly enough to ask such questions on the phone! -- but I am excited :)

More details as I learn them :) Keep us in your prayers!

Back to the Drawing Board

There is a placement pending for the sibling group for whom we had submitted our homestudy. Yet again, we never heard back. I'm really frustrated with caseworkers who don't seem to let you know if you are being considered or not (or return your messages, for that matter). How long are we supposed to wait to hear something back before we look elsewhere? Until I notice the kids' picture is missing from the photolisting? It doesn't seem that difficult to send an e-mail or make a quick phone call. Even just to say we aren't being considered or we aren't a good match. But all this being left in limbo while we wait and wait and wait is making me crazy!

I'm grateful that these boys found a home. And it's back to the drawing board for us.

Cathedral at Lafayette -- Stained Glass Windows

Cemetery at Lafayette Cathedral

The cemetery at the Lafayette Cathedral, like others in the area, is all above ground because the water table is so high. The array of above-ground tombs is fascinating.

The entrance to the cemetery


A view across the cemetery


Two family tombs


We stumbled across this little piece of history -- the tomb of Franklin K Gardner, Major General, Confederate States of America! Wikipedia offers some biographical details here.

Tuesday Travels -- Lafayette, Louisiana

We drove to Lafayette, Louisiana for the wedding of some friends (one of Justin's groomsmen, and his very beautiful bride!)

We stopped at the Cathedral of St. John the Evangelist, Diocese of Lafayette, in the morning. The architecture was beautiful, and I'll do another post on the gorgeous stained glass windows and the cemetery behind the cathedral.

The cathedral from the front entrance, and then a side view, taken from the entrance to the cemetery -- stunning!

Site markers in French, Latin and English! (The nerd in me was elated!)

































I presume this is the episcopal residence -- to the left as you face the entrance to the cathedral. And to the right is a niche statue of St. John, after whom the Cathedral is named, tucked in the wall of the same building.



















The Cathedral grounds are also home to this enormous live oak tree -- the trunk is more than NINE feet diameter!

Introducing Tuesday Travels!

Our family takes a LOT of road trips! Last year, we drove about 16,000 miles in road trips! As long as we've been married, when we take road trips, we find neat places to stop along the way -- mostly interesting Catholic sites, but other things too.

So I've decided to start a series here that chronicles our travels and some of the neat places we've been able to visit.

Just last weekend, we drove to Cajun country for a wedding, and boy were there some gorgeous churches! We are taking a long road trip this summer, sure to have lots of neat stops, so I'll post pictures and explanations here. I'll post some pictures from old trips too, just for fun!

On to Another Attempt

We never did hear back about the local kiddo. Oh well. The day the social worker called about that child, we already had our homestudy in the mailbox regarding another sibling group. We pulled it out after the phone call, but it went back in the mail last week. We'll see how it goes! I'm trying not to get too excited too early (and there is so much else going on that it is easy to stay distracted)!

Still waiting... blah

Sorry to keep you all torturously uninformed with no updates for so long, but that's certainly how we feel here! Last week we received a phone call asking us to consider a particular child from this area (and less than 2 years old!). We looked over the information the case worker sent us, e-mailed back that evening that we would love to proceed, and anxiously waited! We're still waiting... haven't heard anything back at all. zero. zip. nada. I e-mailed again to be a pest, and still haven't heard anything.

I'm new to all this, so I don't really know what it means to not hear back from a case worker. She suddenly fell ill? My e-mail(s) are lost in computer la-la-land, never to be seen again? She found somebody else? Circumstances changed?

So, who knows. The ironic thing is that we had our homestudy literally in the mailbox ready to be mailed regarding a different sibling group when the case worker called last week. I pulled the envelope out before the mailman came. Not sure when I'll put it back in the mailbox... maybe today?

Waiting, Again

We replied last night to our phone call, and now we are waiting to hear back. I'm not sure how long I should expect it to take, but I sure do wish it were right now!

Phone Call!

We received a very exciting phone call this morning -- stay tuned for details, and by all means, PRAY! :)

Loss and Sadness

Today is hard. I feel sick to my stomach and on the verge of tears (and sometimes over that verge). There have been two other sibling groups that we have grown attached to during this process -- kids that we prayed for and thought about lots and lots. You imagine what life might be like with them, how you might arrange the bedrooms to accommodate them, taking them on family trips and a bustling dinner table. We lost them too, but those sibling groups were adopted. I was sad for myself when they were adopted, but truly overjoyed for the children and their new families.

This time is different. We've been praying for these kids and thinking about them for weeks. There was a new level of excitement since this was the first time we had submitted our home study. We've lost these kids too, but they are still waiting. The sadness isn't balanced by joy for their adoption. Today is just hard.

Disappointed

We talked to the adoption agency today. It was decided that we would not be a good match for this particular sibling group. During our homestudy, we were asked to enumerate what sorts of behaviors we were comfortable with (especially considering we had young children in the home), and this sibling group has some behaviors that we preferred not to bring into the home with very young children.

We are disappointed, to be sure, but we are also appreciative that the social workers were honest with us up front. Of course they are eager for these children to find a family, but we are grateful that they considered our needs as well.

Waiting...

We received a phone call today (when we weren't home), asking us to call the adoption agency. I have no idea what to expect when we call back tomorrow, but I'm not sure I'm going to sleep well tonight!

The Bad Guy That Adopts Three Kids

As a family, we recently watched the movie Despicable Me. It's a cute movie about a villain whose career isn't going so well, and he adopts three kids to help him in his plot to steal the moon.

Well, my boys have re-titled the movie, "The Bad Guy That Adopts Three Kids." We used this movie as a platform to talk about adoption with them a little, but the conversation got a bit goofy.

Me: "What do you think, should dada adopt three kids?"
Boys: "Yeah!"
Me: "Does that mean dada is a bad guy?"
Boys: "Ummmm..... nah. He's not a bad guy."

Adoption Journey Timeline

July 2010- explored adoptflorida.org; called local number; signed up for MAPP classes
(MAPP classes are a series of 10 3-hour training classes for families considering fostering or adopting from foster care)

August 2010- began MAPP classes
We learned a TON about the kids in foster care and their experiences, the difficulties these children face and how to help children adjust to a new family, and what the adoption process entails. While much of the information wasn't entirely new or earth-shattering, it gave us a chance to discuss a large variety of topics surrounding adoption in more depth.

We filled out large stacks of paperwork about our family, our family backgrounds, education, finances, discipline, why we wanted to adopt, etc. We also signed consents for a number of background checks and fingerprints.

It was easy to get a bit frustrated filling out so much paperwork, but I tried to keep in mind that all these hurdles are designed to protect children who have already been wounded in their young childhood. If there weren't so many hoops to jump through, then some real weirdos could adopt these kids!

November 2010- home study
We were assigned a social worker, who came to our home to ask us lots of questions! The home study allows the agency to get to know us as a family, and to make sure that we are able to provide a safe and loving family for children in their care. Our social worker asked for clarifications and more detail about all the paperwork we had submitted. She also looked around the house to make sure things looked safe and well-cared for.

I was very nervous about the home study. I felt like I might say the wrong thing and POOF! our adoption hopes would be down the drain. Our social worker, though, was very personable, and made us feel very much at ease with the process.

The second meeting of the home study included a long series of questions about what sort of child(ren) we would consider adopting. We went through long lists of medical conditions, abuse history, developmental delays and behaviors. To each item, we had to state whether we would be willing to adopt, willing to consider, or not willing to adopt a child with that description. This was an emotionally difficult thing -- to say that you want this child but not that child. Our no's had mostly to do with protecting our two little ones.

November 30, 2010- bittersweet notice
Justin received notice that he was being laid off. Our approved home study arrived in the mail the same afternoon. We pause our adoption journey and begin a job hunt. I chose to see this obstacle as a test of our resolve. It would certainly be easy to be discouraged, but I figured the devil must not like adoption. I also decided not to look at the photolistings of waiting children during this time, since we couldn't pursue adoption without an income to provide for them!

February 2010- new job, resume adoption process
Justin didn't take long to get a new job, and with a raise at that! We being looking again at the photolistings again.

March 2010- home study submitted
We submitted our home study regarding a particular sibling group! We wait and pray patiently... well not so patiently!

My First Experience of Adoption

When I was in elementary school, a new family moved into our neighborhood, and they had a son adopted from Romania. I had gotten to know this child a little bit, and was intrigued by the idea of adoption. When I was in 6th grade, he passed away tragically just shy of his 10th birthday. At the funeral, there was a slide show at the church with some pictures of his time in Romania and his life with his adoptive family.

I was struck deeply by how this little boy's life was transformed because a family opened their hearts and home and loved him. Despite the tragic circumstances and the heartache that this family endured at his passing, I knew at that young age that I wanted to adopt someday. That experience has remained with me all these years, and continues to be an inspiration on our own adoption journey.